Finding Your Priorities

“Whatever you have experienced in your life is carved in stone. But today---at this very moment---you have the power to make the shift from where you are to where you want to be. You are never stuck… you always have a choice. You just have to give yourself permission to grow, to love, to thrive. “

- DAVIDJI

Photo by ::Taylor::

We have talked before about how many of us believe there is just not enough time in the day or energy in our bodies to accomplish all that we need or want to. The juggle of life with multiple roles (e.g., family, work, personal time) can feel overwhelming and lead one to start to focus attention more on the negative than the positive. “I just can’t do it all” becomes the motto, rather than “I love what I am doing.”

Feeling a sense of accomplishment, rather than defeat, requires us to use the time and energy we do have on our priorities, rather than the things that are not all that important. This sounds great in theory, but how does it actually work in real life? How can we feel like we aren’t neglecting one area or another and feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction in our lives? How do we make sure that our priorities don’t get lost in the “hamster wheel” of life? The following is a 4-step guide to start doing just that:

1. Find out what your priorities are. Some of the messages we hear in society tell us what our priorities should be, but we need to find out what is really important to us individually. The Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale (Henrion & Crumbaugh, 1992) is a tool to help us do that. James C. Crumbaugh was a psychologist who studied life purpose and devoted much of his career to helping his patients find the meaning in their lives. He created a theory and treatmentcalled “logotherapy,” and while we won’t go into the details of it here, we will take some of his ideas to help us find balance simply.

The Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale takes a list of common life values (based on research showing that these were the ones people most wanted in life) and, with forced choice methodology, helps a person to determine what his/her personal life values are. Here is the list:

1. Wealth ____________________________
2. Lasting friendships ____________________________
3. Physical sex ____________________________
4. A good name (high character) ____________________________
5. To be remembered favorably after death ____________________________
6. To gain intimacy ____________________________
7. To be a great leader of people ____________________________
8. Health ____________________________
9. To have power ____________________________
10. To be of great service to people ____________________________
11. To be famous ____________________________
12. To be physically powerful or beautiful ____________________________
13. To be an intellectual ____________________________
14. To find adventure and new experience ____________________________
15. To be happy ____________________________
16. To understand the meaning of life ____________________________
17. To fulfill spiritual goals ____________________________
18. To have peace of mind ____________________________
19. To gain social acceptance and belonging ____________________________
20. To gain a personal identity ____________________________

To complete the evaluation, start with #1 (Wealth). Compare #1 with #2 (Lasting friendships). Which is more important to you? How often would you choose #1 in comparison to #2? If you would prefer wealth to lasting friendships, put a hash mark next to #1. (If the opposite is true and you would prefer lasting friendships to wealth, put the hash mark next to #2). Now, continue making comparisons between #1 (Wealth) and the other values on the list (#3, then #4, etc.), all the way down to #20, making hash marks by the chosen value as you go. Now, go back to the top and start with #2 (Lasting friendships) and compare it to #3 (Physical sex), then #4, and so on down the list. Start back at the top with #3, and continue in the same fashion until at last you are comparing #19 (To gain social acceptance and belonging) to #20 (To gain a personal identity).

After completing the evaluation, tabulate your hash marks next to each value. Now, rank order these values – your top priorities are those that received the most hash marks. This evaluation differs from the typical method of listing out priorities because it forces you to choose between two identified values. What our culture has told us about what is important is hard to tease out of a list, but when we are forced to choose between two, even two that are both important, our priorities are more clearly revealed.

2. Look at your list of priorities and think about them. Is this how you would have expected the list to turn out? Are there any surprises? Now, talk with your loved ones and people who you trust in your life. What do they think about your list? The goal of this step is just to digest what you’ve evaluated and learned about yourself. Sometimes the resulting list can be shocking. Processing your feelings about it and taking some time to understand it is an important part of this process.

3. Take your top 5 priorities (a few more if you had some that were really close in score), and write them down on a piece of paper. Make 2 columns next to each value – one for behaviors consistent with this value and one for behaviors inconsistent with this value.

Now, examine your life, and think about the behaviors you engage in on a regular basis (daily, weekly, or monthly). Which of those behaviors support or nurture the identified values? Write them in the column under “Consistent Behaviors.” Which of those behaviors contradict those identified values or place a barrier between you and them? Write those in the “Inconsistent Behaviors” column. So for example, if the identified value is Health, you may add “exercise 3 times per week” under the consistent behaviors column, and “smoking” under the inconsistent behaviors column. It may be helpful to enlist the help of a trusted loved one on this step, as well. Sometimes the people close to us can tell us more about our behaviors that we are aware of. Ask your spouse, friend, or co-worker what they see in your regular actions.

4. Think about the behaviors you have written out and whether or not they are consistent with your values and priorities. It is easy to say something like, “Family comes first,” or “My health is a priority.” But when the rubber meets the road, do those priorities really come out first? Do you behave in a way that supports the things that are most important to you? Do you feel nourished by the behaviors you engage in? What do you need to change?

Most of us can find areas in which we can change and make improvements. Work on increasing the behaviors that fall into that first column of consistent behaviors and decreasing those that are inconsistent. Think about the other things you spend your time and energy doing. Do they support one of these top values or priorities? If not, can you drop it out of your life or at least reduce it? Are you spending your energy on something out of habit? Be conscious about how you spend your time. Make mindful decisions to engage in one or two (or more) behaviors that can bring you closer to your priorities and values. You will be amazed at how authentic you feel, how much more energy you have for yourself and others .

We all have a finite amount of time and energy in our lives. Doesn’t it make sense to spend those on the activities and pursuits that are most important to us? It is easy to lose sight of our priorities, especially when the demands placed on us are overwhelming. Taking the time to evaluate ourselves and re-establish our values is not only important, it is vital to our success, health, relationships with others, and happiness. If we don’t do it and we spend all of our resources on things that ultimately are not important and nourishing to us, we will quickly feel more and more burdened. So, take this Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale, rediscover what is most important to you, and then make life changes to support those things. Use your newfound knowledge to decrease your stress and feel more balanced.

Reference: Henrion, R. & Crumbaugh, J.C. (1992). Logotherapy: New help for problem drinkers. Chicago: Nelson-Hall.