Restful Sleep is the Key to Balance

Photo by Jsome1

Although scientists are still not sure why exactly we need to sleep at night, they do know that without sleep we experience a variety of physical and psychological disturbances. If we do not get enough sleep, we may be more susceptible to getting sick, we may find ourselves more irritable and not have enough energy to focus on our daily activities. According to Ayurveda, the 5,000 year old healing system, during sleep we recharge and connect to the universe. I think about sleep as an opportunity to recharge, just like we recharge our cell phones by connecting them to the electricity overnight. Approximately 70 million of people in the USA suffer from some sleeping disorders. Many people suffering from insomnia or other sleep disorders dread bedtime. There are many medications available that may offer some relief. However, along with the relief comes a variety of side effects and a possible addiction to sleeping pills. There are quite a few simple techniques that you can be helpful in getting a good night sleep. One of the things we discussed earlier is how food can affect your sleep. Here are some other things to consider:

• Eat a light dinner between 5-7PM or at least three hours before your bedtime. If you eat too close to your bedtime, your body will be too busy metabolizing the food. It would be more difficult for you to fall asleep and to get good rest.


• Favor light activities in the evening. Naturally, we tend to slow down at night, so try to go with the flow. Go for a walk, read something light, listen to a relaxing music. Minimize doing work or watching too much TV (especially, in bed).


• Establish a relaxing routine before going to bed: e.g., taking a bath, reading some poetry.


• Diffuse a relaxing fragrance such as lavender, vanilla or chamomile in your bedroom. Use this aroma only at bedtime, so you develop an association between the pleasant smell and going to bed.


• Prepare a hot bath for yourself and put a few drops of the same essential aroma oil you are diffusing into the bath water. Turn down the lights, light a candle and take a leisurely bath.


• Before or after the bath, give yourself and oil massage, paying special attention to your feet and scalp. I often massage my feet right before I get in bed.


• After your bath, drink a cup of hot preferably organic milk seasoned with nutmeg and cardamom or a cup of hot chamomile or valerian tea.


• Go directly to bed, allowing your attention to be on your breath as you fall asleep.


• If you still cannot fall asleep and find your mind is preoccupied with everything you have to do, write down your to-do list or anything else that is on your mind. I keep a journal next to my bed.


• Hours of sleep before midnight are more rejuvenating. You will feel more rested if you sleep between 10PM-6AM than 12AM and 8AM. If you typically go to bed later than 10PM, start out by slowly shifting to an earlier bedtime (maybe 15 minutes earlier, than ½ hour, etc.)
  
  Let us know what works particularly well for you to have a good night sleep.

Gratitude

Photo by Connie Sue2

I have a sign in my office at work with a single word on it: “Gratitude.” It sits on the bulletin board over my desk, where I see it multiple times a day, partly as a reminder and partly as a challenge. A reminder that yes, I have a LOT in my life to be grateful for. It is easy to forget that when the paperwork piles up, phone calls are coming in rapidly, and I feel I don’t have the energy to talk with one more person. But that simple sign also serves as a daily challenge to myself. When all those deadlines and responsibilities are looming around me, can I maintain some focus on the things I am grateful for? Like the fact that I have a job that I love?

It takes a conscious effort for most of us to really find and nourish gratitude in our lives. We are surrounded by a culture of complaints, perceived problems, and negativity that interfere with automatic gratuitous thoughts and ideas. Just listen to the evening news on most television stations for a quick reminder that being thankful is not where many of us focus. But that does not mean that it isn’t possible… or that it wouldn’t be healthy.

A recent study by a Psychology professor and student at York University (Myriam Mongrain, Ph.D. and Susan Sergeant), found that listing five things a day that someone is grateful for can decrease depression and increase well-being for people who tend to focus on negative things in life. Even other positive exercises (e.g., listening to uplifting music) did not elicit the same increase in well-being as journaling gratitude did. These results suggest that there is something inherent in being thankful that enhances our lives.

People have recognized the benefit of gratitude for centuries. Prayer for the spiritually religious focuses on giving thanks, holiday traditions such as Thanksgiving encourage gratitude, and handwritten “thank you” notes to someone who has shown kindness expresses appreciation. But sometimes we forget to be grateful for the seemingly minimal things in our everyday routines. Perhaps that is why something like a gratitude journal, as the participants in the above study kept, can be extremely helpful in keeping us mindful of the things we are thankful for every day. If you are interested in trying a gratitude journal, here are some ways to start:

1. Don’t make your gratitude journal just “something else on your to-do list,” or it will feel like a task rather than a journey toward well-being. Remind yourself about the benefits of feeling grateful for the various things in your life, and approach your journal with an open mind.

2. Set aside time each day for your gratitude journal. When will you realistically be most likely to work on it? If you are an early riser, perhaps this is something you could spend some time with in the morning. Maybe sitting down with your journal at night is more feasible and will allow you some time to review your day with a focus on the positive. Either way, choose a time that works for you, devote 5-10 minutes to it, and make it a part of your routine.

3. Use an actual journal. A non-expensive notebook works fine – just designate it exclusively for your thoughts about gratitude. Keep it somewhere that you can easily access it, and if possible, see it throughout the day as a reminder. Also, hand-written journals can be more emotionally meaningful than something type-written. There is something about seeing our thoughts in our own handwriting that is especially important. So while an electronic journal may be easy, it might not fully accomplish the goal here.

4. Write down 5 things each day that you are grateful for. Be specific and look for small things in your day that you can include. If you strive to identify 5 different things each day, you will quickly run through the usual “family, home, health” choices and have to become more creative. Maybe you are thankful for a new copy machine at work that has made your job much easier, or a new recipe for brownies shared by a dear friend. Similarly, think about things in your life that initially may seem negative, but that you can find some gratitude in. For example: “I am grateful for that driver who cut me off in traffic this afternoon because he reminded me about the importance of safe and defensive driving.”

5. Think about your gratitude journal throughout the day. Using this technique will not only force you to find things you are thankful for while writing them down, but will also encourage you to look for these things throughout your day. If you know you have to come up with 5 original choices tomorrow morning, you will start to search them out regularly. Doing so instills a feeling of well-being at times you may not typically expect it. (For example, while driving in traffic, as noted above!).

With the holidays quickly approaching, gratitude may be on your mind more now than at other times of the year. I have fond childhood memories of going around the Thanksgiving Day dinner table with each family member identifying something we were grateful for. But the sentiment usually faded quickly… (often before dessert, because I knew I would soon have to help clean up all those dishes!). A daily reminder that, despite hardships and a life that seems out of balance, we can all find something to be grateful for is valuable. Take an opportunity today to start your own gratitude journal, and begin searching for your life treasures.

Leave us a comment and let us know something you are grateful for today.

Health Week: A Review & Challenge

Health Week at :simple:balance: is coming to a close, but we hope that the information presented here has been just a stepping stone on your journey to wellness and balance. Perhaps as a reminder of things that you already knew but needed some reinforcement to put back into place, or maybe as new information that you are ready to implement. We have talked about using natural strategies for prevention, specific remedies for illness, and how to maintain some balance when the inevitable sickness strikes. There is a lot more that we plan to cover about wellness in the future, but we hope the focus this week has been helpful, especially during this season of potential illness.

Maintaining your health and that of your loved ones is essential, not just to overall wellness, but especially to finding balance in the juggle of life. Try some of the simple steps shared here over the last week and notice the benefit you find. As a challenge, we would like to encourage you to take a few minutes this weekend to think through your usual routine and make at least one change with a goal of working towards health and balance. Perhaps it is a natural prevention strategy or planning for illness in the future. Or maybe it is an improvement in your nutrition and diet. If you have time this weekend, try this recipe from Aundrea Tucker, our resident nutrition expert. Fall vegetables are packed with nutrients and make for a yummy meal to sit down to.

Enjoy and have a healthful weekend!

Photo by Dulcedo Blog

Roasted Root Vegetables

Prep time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 25-35 minutes
Yield: 4-6 servings

Ingredients:
1 sweet potato
2 parsnips
2 carrots
2 turnips or 1 large rutabaga
1 daikon radish (or substitute/add in your favorites, like squash)
grapeseed oil (or another oil appropriate for high heat such as almond, sesame, or sunflower oil)
salt and pepper
herbs: rosemary, thyme or sage (fresh if possible)

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Wash and chop all vegetables into large bite-sized pieces.
3. Place in a large baking dish with sides.
4. Drizzle with oil; mix well to coat each vegetable lightly with oil.
5. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and herbs.
6. Bake uncovered for 25-35 minutes until vegetables are tender and golden brown, checking every 10 minutes to stir and make sure veggies are not sticking.

Note: Any combination of vegetables will work. Roasting only one kind of vegetable also makes a nice side dish.

Juggling Illness

Photo by urbanphotographer

In theory, if we follow healthy recommendations for hand-washing, good nutrition, and other ways of avoiding germs, we should be illness-free this season. But we all know that the inevitable happens, and the chances are that most of us will end up feeling under the weather (or being impacted by someone else who does) at some point this year.

Being sick puts a wrench in the juggle of life and work and really makes finding balance even more difficult. Not only do we feel badly, but we also can’t keep pace with our usual, finely tuned schedule. Responsibilities pile up, phone calls and emails remain unanswered, and the stock of canned soup in the pantry disappears. Or perhaps we aren’t the ones who are sick, but rather someone close to us (e.g., child, partner, friend) or someone we are dependent on (e.g., child caretaker, co-worker) is. Any of the above scenarios can wreak havoc on balance, so it is vital to have a game-plan with some ideas for how to handle an illness scenario. Here are some suggestions:

1. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Sure, we can never be completely ready for illness when it strikes, but if we do some preparation and thinking beforehand, we might feel more able to cope when it comes. (There will be things like chronic illness or catastrophic injuries that are life-changing and are impossible to predict, but here we are talking more about run-of-the-mill fevers and flus.) Think about and plan for the following:
:: If you have children, how will your childcare be impacted by illness in the family? If you are sick, how will they get to school? How will they be cared for while you are bed-ridden? If they are sick, who will stay home with them? How will they get to the doctor? If someone is contagious, how will you try to prevent the spread of germs at home? If your childcare provider is sick, do you have a back-up?
:: Do you have supplies on-hand for illness? Medications, food, drinks, and other supplies are very important during times of illness, and not having them readily available can be a problem. The last thing you want in the middle of the night is to realize your thermometer isn’t working while you have a feverish, crying baby! Take stock of what you have, throw out anything that is expired or not working properly, and re-stock. Keep some comfort items around, as well – special teas, heating pads, a good magazine, and the like can make a day in bed a bit less miserable.
:: How will you notify your job if you have to be out because of illness (your own or a loved one’s), and how will your duties be covered? It is always helpful to have a contingency plan for this sort of thing. Keep telephone numbers or email addresses with you that you can use to contact your boss or someone else at work. Have a general plan for how your duties will be covered, recognizing that every scenario won’t be predictable.

2. Organize yourself. As mentioned above, keeping supplies on-hand at home and contact information for anyone who would be impacted by illness is important. Have this information stored somewhere that is easily accessible (e.g., address book, cell phone), and notify another reliable adult in your life of where it is, in case they need to access it if you are not able to.

3. Know how your sick leave (or lack thereof) works at your job. While laying in bed with a fever and stomach ache is not the time to talk with your human resources department about your benefits. Understand what you need to do administratively if you have a sick family member that you are caring for. Know how you should request time off for unexpected illnesses. Similarly to preparing for responsibility coverage at your job, having an understanding of how your time off is managed is helpful to know ahead of time.

4. Stay home if you are sick! We have all heard this before, and most of us have probably shown up at the office anyway. I know I have. The truth is (I can now say retrospectively) that we are NOT productive when we are sick. Yes, we may be able to make a few phone calls or send some emails that will get things done… but in the process we are potentially making ourselves worse, and we are certainly spreading germs to others. Other people around you do NOT want you to be at work when you are sick. Sometimes , folks around us are more susceptible to illness or have conditions that they have not publicly shared. So while you think you are just carrying around a cold, realize that your illness could be life-threatening to someone else. Keep your germs to yourself and avoid spreading them!

5. Ditto #4 for your kids and other loved ones. Don’t let children go to school sick and encourage a spouse or friend to stay at home. Even if it means more stress for you temporarily.

6. Listen to your body and rest. I can’t tell you how often I have gotten sick after a particularly stressful time in my life; my body was definitely communicating with me in those situations. When our lives are out of balance, we suffer emotionally and physically, and our immune systems are compromised. We have talked before about ways to prevent that from happening, but when it does, take note and give your body what it needs: rest. You will heal faster and be able to get back to your juggle sooner and more effectively if you actually take the time to relax.

This list of suggestions is certainly not exhaustive. We are interested in hearing from you too. What helps you to maintain balance while coping with illness?

Staying Healthy Through Natural Prevention

Photo by willy_ochayaus

Most of us realize more and more that the way to stay healthy is through prevention. According to Ayurveda (from Sanskrit, “the wisdom of life”), a 5,000 year-old healing system, being mindful of your health is even more important during the time when seasons change (especially, summer to the fall/winter season). There are a lot of conventional medicine methods that may be helpful (taking extra vitamin C, flu shots, etc.), but there are additional simple, wise, and natural ways of staying healthy that Ayurveda and other traditional medicines offer. Most of the suggestions below may come to us intuitively, especially, if we are in touch with our body and mind:

• The fall season is often cold and dry (look at the leaves; they are drying out). The best way to nourish ourselves is by eating warm foods: soups, stews, roasted root vegetables (beets, sweet potatoes, turnips, pumpkins) and fewer cold foods (raw salads, cold sandwiches).


• Avoid cold drinks. I know it sounds unheard of when every single restaurant serves us drinks with lots of ice. Ice cold drinks shock our system and slow down our metabolism, because the energy is wasted on heating the liquid up to the body temperature that is most suitable for effective digestion. Instead, sip on a warm herbal tea or even warm or room temperature water throughout the day.


• Stay warm by dressing appropriately. It is so important to dress yourself and kids in warm clothes. There is an old saying, “There is no bad weather, but there is bad and inappropriate clothes.”


• Consider performing a quick (5-10 minutes) daily self-massage right before the shower or after the shower (depending on how dry you feel). You can use a sesame oil (regular, not toasted) if you tend to be cold, or coconut oil if you tend to be warm. Most health food stores carry these. The basic thing to remember is to massage vigorously on long bones (e.g., leg, arms) and to go in circular clockwise motions on connections and joins (e.g., knees, elbows, shoulders). Research shows that we have endorphins and many other naturally occurring chemicals in our skin (the largest organ of our body). By activating this natural pharmacy, we are strengthening our immune system and are more likely to be in a good mood. If you don’t have a lot of time, just do a quick head and foot massage. Another alternative is to do it before you go to bed, which may help you fall asleep.


• Are you suffering from a stuffy nose or allergies, especially in the morning? Consider using a Neti pot, which was even featured on the Oprah Show. The Neti pot with a little bit of salt water will clear up your passages. It is very important to lubricate your nostrils with a few drops of oil (e.g., sesame) after you use a neti pot to create a thin layer that will prevent bacteria from entering your nasal passage. This is also a great method to avoid over-drying on airplanes. To make this process easier and less messy, consider using the Neti pot during your shower.


• Don’t let the cold stop you from exercising. Bundle up and take your family for a walk! During the day (on the weekend, for instance) you can enjoy the beautiful foliage and clear sky. At night (if you go for a walk after dinner), you can see the beautiful night sky, which is especially clear in the fall and winter, smell fireplaces in the air and hear the pleasant crumble of the leaves or snow under you feet. Then, you can come back to your warm cozy home and enjoy a cup of tea with a cookie (if you wish).


• Enjoy the sun when it is out. As a nation, we are very vitamin D deficient and of course, the deficiency increases in the winter months. Although there are some good supplements (D3), they cannot completely substitute the sunshine. Come outside for 10 minutes of unprotected sunshine (short periods of time should be safe from the skin care perspective).


• Laugh often. This is good for any season. Laughter is one of the best medicines that helps support our immune system. Instead of watching a horror movie, choose a comedy. Or find humor in everyday situations even if your first reaction is a stress response.

Sore Throat Home Remedies

We are thrilled to welcome Kathy Hope, Ph.D. who is sharing information about some tried and true home remedies. In honor of Health Week here at :simple:balance:, she focuses on sore throats, often the first sign that something isn't right with our health.

Photo by Alejandrooo!

About a week ago, I noticed that I was getting a sore throat. I immediately panicked as I observed the chorus of thoughts that seems so commonplace during the cold and flu season: “Oh no, am I sick?” “Am I getting the flu?” and “I can’t afford to be sick – I have too much to do!” You know the drill…

So at once I began planning my attack: mentally running through the list of home remedies I’d received from friends, family and other sources over the years. I’ve shared my top picks with you below.

Note: These methods are best implemented at the very first sign of discomfort. The remedies can 1) lessen the pain and 2) potentially shorten the length of time you experience a sore throat. As with all wellness techniques, listen to your body and do only what feels right to you!

1. Mix together 8 ounces warm water and 2-3 teaspoons salt. Gargle. Can do multiple times a day. (Source: My mom, from South Carolina)

2. Mince a 1x3 inch piece of fresh ginger, skinned. Boil in 2 cups water until liquid is reduced to 1 cup. Add tablespoon of honey and the juice of one lemon. Enjoy a soothing tea. Can do multiple times a day. (Source: Colleague from Hong Kong)

3. Sanitize hands thoroughly with warm soap and water and/or rubbing alcohol. Carefully reach a finger behind the uvula and flip it towards the front of your mouth. Do this once at the first sign of sore throat. (Source: Friend from Pakistan)

4. Boil together 2 cups water, 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper, and tablespoon of salt. Allow to cool just enough to comfortably gargle. Can be done several times a day. (Source: Internet)

5. Crush 25-30 black peppercorns. Boil in 2 cups water until liquid is reduced to 1 cup. Take as a tea. Do this once at the first sign of sore throat. (Source: Friend from India)

6. Mix 1/4 teaspoon ginger powder with 1 tablespoon honey. Swallow slowly, allowing the mixture to dissolve as it soothes your throat. Can do this once a day while symptoms persist. (Source: Friend from India)

7. If your sore throat is associated with post nasal drip or sinus congestion, try nasal irrigation with the neti pot. It’s best to use this method in the morning to allow for any residual water/mucus to drain. Can be done daily. (Source: Yoga teacher from Salt Lake City, UT)

If you have additional tried and true remedies that you would like to share, please leave a comment here and spread the wealth of knowledge!

Kathy Hope, Ph.D. is a certified yoga instructor currently practicing most of her yoga *between the ears,* with some time on the mat. She a psychologist, management consultant, and the single mother of an active 5-1/2 year-old son.

Health Week at :simple:balance:

Photo by StripMyMind

It is that time of year – the months when all of us “germophobes” bathe ourselves in antibacterial gel, avoid touching elevator buttons, and try not to breathe while on a plane. It is flu season! (Or more accurately, cold-ear infection-strep throat-stomach flu-overall yuckiness season). Illness is a huge hurdle at any time of the year to finding balance between work and life. After all, if we are sick, someone in our family is sick, or someone at work is under the weather, our juggle quickly becomes lopsided and harder to manage.

Since many of us have things like H1N1 and flu shots on our minds, we thought it only appropriate to address the issues of illness and work-life balance here. So, welcome to Health Week at :simple:balance:! We will be tackling the topic of sickness, how to avoid it, and how to manage it when the inevitable occurs… all with the idea that health can be simple. So, wash your hands, take an extra dose of vitamin C, and join us this week to talk about how to manage germs in your juggle.

To start off, what have you found to help manage illness while striving for balance?

Creating Flexibility at Work

Photo by nelu_b

Research tells us that perceived flexibility in the workplace increases job satisfaction, job performance, and ultimately job retention. These, in turn, impact a person’s individual satisfaction and performance at home, together suggesting that having a flexible work life improves one’s overall sense of balance and well-being. Some companies and employers have been forced in recent years to allow more flexibility on the job. Factors such as commutes, improved technology, and demands of a younger workforce have influenced decisions by many leaders to take note of their employees’ desires and offer more flexibility. Those managers/employers who are informed about work-life balance also know what is described above: more flexibility = happier and more committed employees = satisfied customers and better business outcomes.

Perhaps you are one of those people who work for a company that is flexible and allows you to make some changes to a traditional work schedule in order to meet your needs. A recent survey by the Society for Human Resource Management revealed that many companies are offering flexible work arrangements such as part-time/reduced hours schedules, telecommuting, compressed work weeks (i.e., working four 10-hour days per week instead of five 8-hour days), break arrangements, and job-sharing, to name a few. While these changes in the workplace require some preparation by management, what studies show, is that the initial extra work pays off significantly for the company. Employees are more satisfied, more productive, and more likely to stay with the company. It ends up being a win-win for everyone.

What if you are one of those employees, though, who does not have a balance-savvy employer? What if flexible work arrangements are not offered at your workplace? How can you achieve some flexibility for yourself and maintain life satisfaction? Here are some suggestions on how to approach this topic with your employer and achieve more flexibility for yourself:

1. Educate yourself on the full range of possibilities for flexible work arrangements. Do a little research to see what other companies offer, especially those that are in your same field. The Society for Human Resource Management’s website is a great place to start.

2. Find out what is already offered at your place of work. Many employees don’t realize that their company offers flexible options because either they are not advertised, their supervisor may not be supporting them, or other employees do not take advantage of them. When I first started my job, I asked about making a slight change in my daily schedule in order to meet child-care needs. Several of my co-workers who had worked for the organization longer than me did not know they had an option of changing their hours. Since then, several of them have also utilized that flexibility.

3. Think about what kind of flexibility would meet your personal needs, and compare that to what would meet the needs of your business. What could you realistically change about your schedule that would allow you to meet the demands of your job, while also allowing more freedom to accomplish other tasks that are important (e.g., doctor’s appointments, kids’ school performances)?

4. Talk with your supervisor/boss/employer. It could be helpful to prepare an informal (or formal, depending on your boss) presentation/proposal about all of the benefits of flexible work arrangements to an organization. How will what you are suggesting help the company? Remember, even the most personable and likeable boss is going to care more about the impact of changes on the business’ success than about how they improve your personal life. When talking with him/her, keep that in mind, and focus your presentation on the benefits he/she will be interested in.

5. Maintain your work ethic and performance. A request or suggestion for more flexibility is not going to be very well-received from someone who is perceived to be a slacker or who is not performing up to standards. If you are a diligent and effective worker, your voice will be heard more clearly and your ideas will be taken more seriously.

6. Be patient. Changes in the workplace do not typically happen overnight. You may have to remain persistent, although not annoying, and continue bringing the subject up. Keep yourself informed about new research or ideas in the work world, and continue presenting those to the powers-that-be at your job.

7. Once you do get a more flexible schedule, keep frequent communication with your superiors, so they are well aware of everything you are working on. It wouldn’t hurt to have a weekly log of what you have accomplished.

Unfortunately, many people think that they cannot make changes in their workplace that will allow them more flexibility. But the truth is, someone has to ask about it and start the ball rolling. Most companies that utilize flexible work arrangements do so because of demand from employees. So educate yourself, come up with a plan for success, and assert your ideas. You may be surprised at how well they are received, and at how positively they impact you and your organization. When it comes to balance, flexibility is of the utmost importance.

Tell us, have you made changes at work to achieve more flexibility? If so, what has been successful? What have the challenges been?

Sit Down... Do Nothing

photo by KoolPix

How often do you sit down and do absolutely nothing?

Of course, most of us would answer that we don’t have time to do nothing. But even if you do have a few free minutes, do you allow yourself to do nothing? In my experience, we are a society of “doers”; in other words, we do something or several things all the time. I think each one of us contributes to this fast pace of life. It starts early on in our childhood, when we are involved in many activities and seek entertainment all the time. How many times have you heard your children (or other people’s children) say, “I’m bored!” Do we ever teach our children to enjoy nothingness or boredom and just notice what’s going on in the present moment?

By the time we are adults, we often feel uncomfortable doing nothing. We like to do laundry, watch TV, talk on the phone and cook dinner - all at the same time. Even when we choose to relax and make nothingness the main form of entertainment, we manage to do something. I took a yoga class recently and during the last part of the class, students are typically asked to lay flat on their backs, close their eyes and enjoy the moment. As I was looking forward to this moment, I realized that we were not going to get it that time; rather, even the last few minutes of the class we were listening to loud music that focused our attention elsewhere. Even in a relaxation-oriented exercise, I found myself missing that experience of nothingness for a few minutes.

It seems like we need to train ourselves to do nothing sometimes. Breaks with ‘not doing’ may help us notice things around us, pay attention to our own deep needs/desires, and help us be a little more present in our relationships with others.

Here are a few suggestions for doing nothing (even if it is just 5-10 minutes a day or a week, you will notice the benefits). If you feel that your mind goes off wondering to all the tasks you need to accomplish, just notice it and give yourself a couple more minutes of doing nothing.

• Sit down inside or outside and just look at the tree outside your window. Have your kids/partner/friend join you for a few minutes. Having a cup of tea with it sound like a great idea.
• Come outside at night for a few minutes; look up and just gaze at the beautiful sky.
• Take a walk without your phone or iPod; just notice nature, people, houses around you.
• Eat one meal quietly, without TV, newspaper, or computer. Just taste the food and notice the feeling it creates in your body. You may actually find that you get full faster, because you are paying attention.
• Sit down next to the fireplace and enjoy watching the flames and fire.
• Get up and spend a few minutes sitting in your bed with your eyes closing and just feeling your body.
• During work, take a break and take a few breaths and really feel each inhale and exhale.
• Take a vacation where you don’t over-plan the number of activities. Just see what unfolds and enjoy the uncertainty of what each day may bring and feel like.
• Play a game with your kids to enjoy the moment. Ask them to describe what they see, smell, touch.
• Walk by a body of water and just enjoy it: smell the air, hear the waves crashing on the shore, put your feet, hands in the water.
• Sit on a swing and enjoy the ride!
• Give someone a hug and stay there for a few seconds… just surrender to the feeling of hugging and receiving a hug.

Please tell us your stories of doing nothing. What feels good?

Conscious Communication

Photo by pinjuu

I come home and here it is AGAIN: the beautiful vacuum cleaner is parked in the middle of the room. My husband does a great job of vacuuming. However, he tends to leave the vacuum cleaner in the room for as long as one week (I timed it). Dyson manufacturer would probably love it, because its product is displayed in our living room most of the time. Some of you may even think that’s convenient to have the vacuum cleaner next to you all the time--- you never know when you need to have a quick touch up. That is not how I feel. The sight of the vacuum cleaner irritates me and makes me feel like we are never done with cleaning. Recently, my husband took it a step further and he separated the part of the vacuum that is filled with dirt and placed it next to the trashcan in the kitchen, the base of the vacuum was still in the living room. So, now I saw two images of the vacuum cleaner and as you may have guessed many thoughts (not very positive) went through my mind. Here is what used to come up in my dialogue, actually mostly monologue:

Scenario I (Reactive Response): I am talking to myself, “He (my husband) leaves things around all the time.” Internal voice, “Are you sure it is ALL the time?” Me: “Yes, positive. I am the only one who cares about order. He doesn’t appreciate me.” Out loud: “I cannot believe the vacuum cleaner is STILL everywhere! You never put anything away. I am the only one putting things away. I am tired of it.” How do you think my husband responds to this? Hard to be very positive (even if Dyson pays you a lot of money for displaying the vacuum) when you are being attacked and accused. Typically, it used to be something like this, “Why aren’t you happy when I vacuum? I don’t leave everything out all the time. It is going to get dirty again anyway.” So, needless to say, that the situation with the vacuum cleaner has been stale for a while with us having the same reactive responses.

Recently, I have read a great book by the psychologist Marshall Rosenberg on Conscious Communication. He developed a non-violent communication method that can be applied to any interaction (personal or business). His method has been used to find peace and resolution to conflicts in schools, businesses and even between world leaders. Given the credibility of the method, I hoped it would help our “Dyson situation.”

Marshall Rosenberg suggests considering four questions whenever we experience emotional turbulence in our communication:

• What just happened? Coming into present moment awareness, distinguish your evaluations from your past encumbered observations. Avoid the patterns that lead you into emotional reactivity.


• What are these feelings arising in me? Emotional reality is created through the language we use. Distinguish your beliefs from your emotions and avoid shifting the responsibility for your feelings onto someone else. Let go off the pattern of victimization.
  
• What do I need that I’m not receiving? We expect people around us to know what we are looking for. Don’t assume and take the responsibility of identifying your own needs and communicating them to increase your chances of getting them.


• What am I asking for? The more specifically we can formulate a request, the more likely we are to see it fulfilled. Identify behavior that will satisfy your need, surrender to the wisdom of uncertainty, allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for what you need. Then, observe your response from the state of witnessing awareness.

I was looking forward to testing out this model, and sure enough I had another “Dyson opportunity.” Below is how my response changed based on what I learned.

Scenario II (Conscious Communication): At the sight of the vacuum cleaner, thinking to myself “I see the vacuum cleaner in the living room (observation). I am not appreciated”. Internal voice, “It sounds like the language of victimization that will lead me to a reactive response. Maybe I should rephrase it.” Trying again in my head, “The vacuum cleaner is in the room. It has been there for three days. I don’t like seeing it there, because it makes me feel tired and overwhelmed (feelings; taking responsibility for how I feel).”

At this point I feel ready to voice it, “I noticed the vacuum cleaner has been standing in the living room for three days” (observation). My husband, “Oh, yeah..I know.” I continue, “When I see it standing there, I feel tired, because it makes me feel that cleaning is never finished (feelings). I really need to have a few days when I do not need to think about cleaning, so all the cleaning reminders I put away. I would really like it if you put it away within a day of vacuuming (needs). Do you think you can do it? (request vs. demand). To my big surprise, the light bulb went off and my husband understood how I felt and what I needed. So, Dyson is not on display in our living room any longer.

What do you think about trying these four questions? What struggles do you have with communication?

From the time when we are babies, we are used to our parents meeting our needs without us even asking. When we grow up, we expect the same from people around us. We forget that we need to take responsibility for how we feel (regardless of what the person next to us is doing/saying), express our feelings and needs to others in a clear way. This approach will provide you with a much better chance of having your needs met. Marshall Rosenberg’s book can really change the way you and your close ones communicate with each other.

Finding Your Priorities

“Whatever you have experienced in your life is carved in stone. But today---at this very moment---you have the power to make the shift from where you are to where you want to be. You are never stuck… you always have a choice. You just have to give yourself permission to grow, to love, to thrive. “

- DAVIDJI

Photo by ::Taylor::

We have talked before about how many of us believe there is just not enough time in the day or energy in our bodies to accomplish all that we need or want to. The juggle of life with multiple roles (e.g., family, work, personal time) can feel overwhelming and lead one to start to focus attention more on the negative than the positive. “I just can’t do it all” becomes the motto, rather than “I love what I am doing.”

Feeling a sense of accomplishment, rather than defeat, requires us to use the time and energy we do have on our priorities, rather than the things that are not all that important. This sounds great in theory, but how does it actually work in real life? How can we feel like we aren’t neglecting one area or another and feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction in our lives? How do we make sure that our priorities don’t get lost in the “hamster wheel” of life? The following is a 4-step guide to start doing just that:

1. Find out what your priorities are. Some of the messages we hear in society tell us what our priorities should be, but we need to find out what is really important to us individually. The Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale (Henrion & Crumbaugh, 1992) is a tool to help us do that. James C. Crumbaugh was a psychologist who studied life purpose and devoted much of his career to helping his patients find the meaning in their lives. He created a theory and treatmentcalled “logotherapy,” and while we won’t go into the details of it here, we will take some of his ideas to help us find balance simply.

The Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale takes a list of common life values (based on research showing that these were the ones people most wanted in life) and, with forced choice methodology, helps a person to determine what his/her personal life values are. Here is the list:

1. Wealth ____________________________
2. Lasting friendships ____________________________
3. Physical sex ____________________________
4. A good name (high character) ____________________________
5. To be remembered favorably after death ____________________________
6. To gain intimacy ____________________________
7. To be a great leader of people ____________________________
8. Health ____________________________
9. To have power ____________________________
10. To be of great service to people ____________________________
11. To be famous ____________________________
12. To be physically powerful or beautiful ____________________________
13. To be an intellectual ____________________________
14. To find adventure and new experience ____________________________
15. To be happy ____________________________
16. To understand the meaning of life ____________________________
17. To fulfill spiritual goals ____________________________
18. To have peace of mind ____________________________
19. To gain social acceptance and belonging ____________________________
20. To gain a personal identity ____________________________

To complete the evaluation, start with #1 (Wealth). Compare #1 with #2 (Lasting friendships). Which is more important to you? How often would you choose #1 in comparison to #2? If you would prefer wealth to lasting friendships, put a hash mark next to #1. (If the opposite is true and you would prefer lasting friendships to wealth, put the hash mark next to #2). Now, continue making comparisons between #1 (Wealth) and the other values on the list (#3, then #4, etc.), all the way down to #20, making hash marks by the chosen value as you go. Now, go back to the top and start with #2 (Lasting friendships) and compare it to #3 (Physical sex), then #4, and so on down the list. Start back at the top with #3, and continue in the same fashion until at last you are comparing #19 (To gain social acceptance and belonging) to #20 (To gain a personal identity).

After completing the evaluation, tabulate your hash marks next to each value. Now, rank order these values – your top priorities are those that received the most hash marks. This evaluation differs from the typical method of listing out priorities because it forces you to choose between two identified values. What our culture has told us about what is important is hard to tease out of a list, but when we are forced to choose between two, even two that are both important, our priorities are more clearly revealed.

2. Look at your list of priorities and think about them. Is this how you would have expected the list to turn out? Are there any surprises? Now, talk with your loved ones and people who you trust in your life. What do they think about your list? The goal of this step is just to digest what you’ve evaluated and learned about yourself. Sometimes the resulting list can be shocking. Processing your feelings about it and taking some time to understand it is an important part of this process.

3. Take your top 5 priorities (a few more if you had some that were really close in score), and write them down on a piece of paper. Make 2 columns next to each value – one for behaviors consistent with this value and one for behaviors inconsistent with this value.

Now, examine your life, and think about the behaviors you engage in on a regular basis (daily, weekly, or monthly). Which of those behaviors support or nurture the identified values? Write them in the column under “Consistent Behaviors.” Which of those behaviors contradict those identified values or place a barrier between you and them? Write those in the “Inconsistent Behaviors” column. So for example, if the identified value is Health, you may add “exercise 3 times per week” under the consistent behaviors column, and “smoking” under the inconsistent behaviors column. It may be helpful to enlist the help of a trusted loved one on this step, as well. Sometimes the people close to us can tell us more about our behaviors that we are aware of. Ask your spouse, friend, or co-worker what they see in your regular actions.

4. Think about the behaviors you have written out and whether or not they are consistent with your values and priorities. It is easy to say something like, “Family comes first,” or “My health is a priority.” But when the rubber meets the road, do those priorities really come out first? Do you behave in a way that supports the things that are most important to you? Do you feel nourished by the behaviors you engage in? What do you need to change?

Most of us can find areas in which we can change and make improvements. Work on increasing the behaviors that fall into that first column of consistent behaviors and decreasing those that are inconsistent. Think about the other things you spend your time and energy doing. Do they support one of these top values or priorities? If not, can you drop it out of your life or at least reduce it? Are you spending your energy on something out of habit? Be conscious about how you spend your time. Make mindful decisions to engage in one or two (or more) behaviors that can bring you closer to your priorities and values. You will be amazed at how authentic you feel, how much more energy you have for yourself and others .

We all have a finite amount of time and energy in our lives. Doesn’t it make sense to spend those on the activities and pursuits that are most important to us? It is easy to lose sight of our priorities, especially when the demands placed on us are overwhelming. Taking the time to evaluate ourselves and re-establish our values is not only important, it is vital to our success, health, relationships with others, and happiness. If we don’t do it and we spend all of our resources on things that ultimately are not important and nourishing to us, we will quickly feel more and more burdened. So, take this Meaning in Life Evaluation Scale, rediscover what is most important to you, and then make life changes to support those things. Use your newfound knowledge to decrease your stress and feel more balanced.

Reference: Henrion, R. & Crumbaugh, J.C. (1992). Logotherapy: New help for problem drinkers. Chicago: Nelson-Hall.

Early Riser

Photo by diana827

“I am up before the sun.
My day is full of moments and I make them all count.
I see that my needs are met.
I am strong and reliable.
I always want to feel this alive.”

I cut this quote out of a magazine ad many years ago and stuck it in a journal for inspiration. I don’t even remember what the advertisement was for (Running shoes? Granola bars?) What I do remember is that reading it then provided me with a sense of balance… a visualization that brought instant relaxation… and the same is true today. Making moments count, meeting needs, feeling strong… yep, that equals balance for me.

The key to this quote for me, though, is the first line: “I am up before the sun.” This has been an important part of my quest for balance. I’ve often wished for more hours in the day, more time to get things accomplished. And while my earnest wishes haven’t been granted, I have found that early rising helps. I don’t consider myself a morning person. I’m not one of those folks who can wake up early without the alarm, or who is chipper and energetic right out of bed. Quite the opposite is true. My husband jokes that he waits to talk to me until I’ve been awake for a couple of hours and had my breakfast and cup of tea. Before then, he usually only gets grunts and dirty looks in response to his questions.

But I have found that rising before the sun and before the rest of my household allows me more time for myself. I often use that time for exercise, or reading, or writing (this post, for example), or whatever suits me that day. I have that time to gather my thoughts, fully wake up, and gain motivation for the rest of the day. As soon as everyone else gets moving and the sky turns orange with the peeking of the sun, the day kicks in to high gear quickly. Having some time to bring it in slowly before then brings a sense of balance and much-needed me-time.

If you are interested in trying this early rising as a method to balancing work and family roles, there are a few tips that may be helpful.

· First, adequate sleep is a must. None of us function well on less than optimal sleep, and so we have to make time for shut-eye. That means that in order to rise early, you must go to bed early as well. An average of 8 hours is suggested by most sleep experts (although some people require more or less), so plan your schedule accordingly. I have tried to stay up late, thinking surely I will be able to get up with that alarm… but when it goes off a few hours later, I’m tired and unmotivated. So, early to bed, early to rise.

· Establish a consistent sleep pattern. Go to bed the same time each night (even weekends) and get up the same time each morning (yep, even weekends). Our bodies are like biological clocks. Once they get accustomed to a routine, they stick with it. Two weeks is usually all it takes to establish a new sleep routine, so figure out your optimal pattern, and stick with it.

· If you have other people in your home who are impacted by your wake time, talk with them about your plans. Nothing hampers good intentions to rise early more than an unsupportive partner who complains about the alarm going off before the sun rises or who keeps you up later than you’d like at night. Come up with a plan that works for everyone and that is realistic for you.

· Use the alarm! Yes, sleep experts indicate that if you are getting adequate sleep and are maintaining a healthy sleep pattern, you should not need an alarm to wake up. I have found, however, that especially when starting out with a new schedule, you need some additional help. The alarm ensures you stick with your plan and provides some extra motivation in those early hours to rise and shine.

· Plan an enjoyable activity for yourself ahead of time that you will want to engage in upon rising. If you have something fun to look forward to, you will be much more motivated to get up early. This is a great time to get in some exercise or have some quiet time for hobbies. Make sure what you plan is realistic (no drum practice if you have others at home, for example!) and something you look forward to.

· Reap the benefits! Try your new schedule for 2 weeks and see how it makes you feel. Do you have more energy later in the day? Do you get more accomplished by having that extra time in the morning?

Early rising ensures you have a full day of moments that you can make count. It starts you off in a state of relaxation, as opposed to a hair-on-fire mode of hurry, hurry, hurry. So give it a try and see if being up before the sun can be part of your simple balance.

What do you think about early rising?