Can You Ask For Help? Can Someone Ask You For Help?

“Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe Me.”
Look what happens with love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.”
~Hafiz

Photo by flash.pro

Why is support important when it comes to balance? There are quite a few studies showing that social support, coming from family members/friends and work supervisors, helps us feel more balanced and satisfied with many areas of our life (e.g., work and family). Did you know that how much support others are willing to provide is influenced by your personality? It seems logical that if you are easy to deal with (e.g., agreeable) or if you are a little more sociable, you may receive more social support than those of us who are less agreeable and like to keep to ourselves.

For some of us, receiving help may be extremely difficult. We would much rather give than receive! Partially, this is due to the fact that independence is valued highly in our society. Many of us want to be in control of everything we do and to accomplish as many things as possible on our own. We definitely take a lot of pride in being independent. Like with many things in life, there is a downside to the culture of independence. We may be limiting ourselves with how much support we receive and accept from others. In some ways, it is easier to be a strong person who provides advice and support to those around us. There is definitely a skill in opening up to and receiving support. To some extent, it requires some humility and vulnerability to open ourselves up to receive and not just give. But the benefits are great!

Of course, there are also some of us who are open to receiving support but do not have the time/desire/energy to give it to others. Sometimes, we feel that unless it is some big help, others would not appreciate it. However, so many people appreciate little signs of attention and appreciation you can give them. It can be as simple as encouraging a coworker about the work he/she did well. For example, one of my coworkers always has chocolates on her desk and it is so nice to get one every now and then. In return, I share blueberries with her because she loves them. If you cannot go help your friend move to his/her new home, you definitely could find five minutes to give them a call and at least check on them.

Below are some suggestions on how you can receive and give more support, all in the name of balance:

1. Practice the Law of Giving and Receiving at least once a week (e.g., every Monday). This law simply states if you want to love, learn to love. If you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation. If you want material abundance, learn to help others become materially affluent, etc. The key to this law is to give and receive with joy! Here is what you do:

• At least once a week, offer a gift, compliment, flower, or help to someone. It does not have to be big; even a small gesture will keep this law circulating in your life.
• Gratefully receive everything you are offered. Express appreciation when someone gives something of help to you.
• Silently wish everyone you encounter joy, laughter, and happiness.

2. As much as possible, let go of the need to ALWAYS be in control and DO IT ALL ON YOUR OWN. It is OK to get help from your mother, father, friends, or your sibling with whom you may still be in a childish competition with. No, they will not do everything the way you would do it, so make sure you adjust your expectations. But they will do their best and you will have more time to do what you couldn’t have done without their help.

3. Exchange babysitting with your friends and neighbors.

4. Take turns in making dinners for a friend or family member once a month. Many people do it in their neighborhoods and it is a great way to socialize and not have to cook a dinner one night out of the month.

5. Do not assume that your family members and friends know exactly what you need help with. Do not be afraid to ask!

6. Share responsibilities. You may enjoy dusting, while your husband prefers vacuuming. Figure out what each person likes and dislikes, and help each other!

7. When you give or receive help, be very clear about your intentions. People are turned off if they sense that you have a hidden agenda.

8. Express your gratitude! It will make you and others feel good.

I know many of you have a lot more ideas for giving and receiving support. Please share it with others! What works best for you? What gives you the most joy?