Photo by army.archI remember early in graduate school, several of our professors suggesting that as students, we seek a mentor. Having someone that we could look up to, confide in, and go to for support and information would be a vital part of our being successful professionally, they said. I listened to that advice and quickly sought someone out who served as my mentor early in my training and career and has continued to be a source of support since. I admire his professional success and respect his opinion on numerous topics. I have often gone to him with questions or concerns, and left our conversations with a clearer picture of how to proceed. Having such mentorship has been instrumental, I believe, in my success, career-wise.
Many of us look for mentors, either formally or informally. Whether they provide guidance for us professionally or personally, we often need their ideas, based on their own experience, to help us navigate the terrain of our lives. I realized recently, though, that I don’t have a mentor for a major part of my identity: working mother.
I grew up in a family in which my mother did not work outside the home, and chose instead to raise me and my siblings full-time. She did not pursue a career away from the home until later in life, after her “birds” were out of the nest. The same goes for most of my female extended family members, as well. I was not consistently around women who had both careers and families and placed importance on both roles. As such, this life of mine sometimes feels like new territory to me. I don’t really have a model in mind of how to make it work.
Not having a personal mentor has presented challenges for me. I have so many questions, like, “Will my daughter thrive or struggle because of her daily involvement in daycare?” “How do I know that a daycare setting is a good match for her?” “What can I do to make getting chores around the house done more efficiently when I have such limited time during the week at home?” “How do I balance the demands of my career with those of my husband’s career?” The list could go on and on, and the questions I wrestle with change from week to week. Like my professional mentor, I would really like to have someone to look to or talk with about these concerns. And to learn how someone I respect balanced a complicated life like mine successfully.
As I don’t have a role model, per se, for my working mother role, I have recently begun seeking out people whom I can learn from. Colleagues, friends, and acquaintances who are working mothers are a wealthy source of information and support. Sometimes I learn what I want to do in my own life by watching theirs, and sometimes I learn things that I don’t want to repeat. While I don’t have anyone close to me who has a completely similar situation to mine, I am mostly pulling bits and pieces where I can. I also seek support and knowledge from forums such as this one: blogs, websites, books, and other non-face-to-face interactions. I figure that the more information I soak up for myself, the more I’ll have to digest and use.
In addition, I hope to be a mentor and role model for my daughter. Of course, I hope she will make her own choices about the things she values and how she defines herself, and I realize that those may be very different from my own. But even if she won’t be able to get all the answers from me or if she chooses a different lifestyle than mine, I hope that she will learn from the process I am engaging in now. I hope that she will learn to seek her own mentors and support in her own way.
Since this has been a struggle of mine recently, I am curious to hear from others. Who do you look to as a mentor in your life? If you are like me and don’t have anyone in particular who is a model for your important roles, what resources do you use to help you make decisions and to find support?
Many of us look for mentors, either formally or informally. Whether they provide guidance for us professionally or personally, we often need their ideas, based on their own experience, to help us navigate the terrain of our lives. I realized recently, though, that I don’t have a mentor for a major part of my identity: working mother.
I grew up in a family in which my mother did not work outside the home, and chose instead to raise me and my siblings full-time. She did not pursue a career away from the home until later in life, after her “birds” were out of the nest. The same goes for most of my female extended family members, as well. I was not consistently around women who had both careers and families and placed importance on both roles. As such, this life of mine sometimes feels like new territory to me. I don’t really have a model in mind of how to make it work.
Not having a personal mentor has presented challenges for me. I have so many questions, like, “Will my daughter thrive or struggle because of her daily involvement in daycare?” “How do I know that a daycare setting is a good match for her?” “What can I do to make getting chores around the house done more efficiently when I have such limited time during the week at home?” “How do I balance the demands of my career with those of my husband’s career?” The list could go on and on, and the questions I wrestle with change from week to week. Like my professional mentor, I would really like to have someone to look to or talk with about these concerns. And to learn how someone I respect balanced a complicated life like mine successfully.
As I don’t have a role model, per se, for my working mother role, I have recently begun seeking out people whom I can learn from. Colleagues, friends, and acquaintances who are working mothers are a wealthy source of information and support. Sometimes I learn what I want to do in my own life by watching theirs, and sometimes I learn things that I don’t want to repeat. While I don’t have anyone close to me who has a completely similar situation to mine, I am mostly pulling bits and pieces where I can. I also seek support and knowledge from forums such as this one: blogs, websites, books, and other non-face-to-face interactions. I figure that the more information I soak up for myself, the more I’ll have to digest and use.
In addition, I hope to be a mentor and role model for my daughter. Of course, I hope she will make her own choices about the things she values and how she defines herself, and I realize that those may be very different from my own. But even if she won’t be able to get all the answers from me or if she chooses a different lifestyle than mine, I hope that she will learn from the process I am engaging in now. I hope that she will learn to seek her own mentors and support in her own way.
Since this has been a struggle of mine recently, I am curious to hear from others. Who do you look to as a mentor in your life? If you are like me and don’t have anyone in particular who is a model for your important roles, what resources do you use to help you make decisions and to find support?
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Mentors....hummm. I believe that we have different mentors in our life as time goes on. For me, this role must be reserved for a select few people. There have been several in my life. I currently have one which is both inspirational and loving. She leads with strength and hope.
ReplyDeleteI personally would not push too hard to find a mentor. She will appear when you least expect it. I am 54 years old and the mother of two grown daughters... age 28 and 31.
My 31 year old is a Dr. of Psychology and teaches at a University in California. She also teaches aerobics, as well as coordinating the Psych 1 Dept. for that university.
The 28 year old is bipolar with other tendencies which disables her to engage in a normal life regarding employment.
It is as if I was destined to have a life of irony and challenge. I embrace that challenge today and look forward to each new sunrise.
Back to the topic at hand. Who do I look to as a mentor in my life? Well, I look for another woman who I can communicate with on the same plane of thought processes. Sometimes they are hard to find. It is important to surround myself with as many differnt types of people as possible so that I may be able to find this person.
For now, I hope that this helps. I look forwardd to hearing more from you. It is refreshing to hear such honesty and perseverance.