Balancing Time in Our Minds

Photo by mrMark

Dana, who holds responsibilities and benefits of being a mother, a wife, an empoyee and many more roles, is back with us to share some wisdom around our perceptions of time and its role in our perceptions of balance. Enjoy!

Since I started writing for this blog more regularly, I have become even more attuned to life balance issues. I find myself contemplating more deeply certain ideas that are intrinsically related to the concept of balance, such as the nature of time and the mind. Much of what we experience with regard to balance (or imbalance) hinges on the concept of time – what we do with it, having “enough” time, and so on. Just as in an outward, behavioral sense we can be out of balance in how we use the time allotted to us (spending too much time doing things we shouldn’t do or don’t want to do and too little time doing things we should do or do want to do), we can misuse time in our minds as well.

It is a unique quality of the human mind that we can effortlessly think about the past, present, and future. Some of us spend a lot of time thinking about the past – reliving moments we enjoyed, rehashing negative experiences in the attempt to make sense of them or in futile hope that we can mentally undo them. Others of us spend a lot of time thinking about the future – making plans, anticipating upcoming events with eagerness or dread. Yet others really live in the moment, relishing the experience of the here and now or avoiding thinking about the past or future.

As with most things, being balanced between the past, present, and future is key to success and happiness in life. Thinking about the past can not only be pleasant (in the case of fond memories), it is an important method for uncovering patterns in our behavior over time. We can use the greater self-awareness this affords to change our behavior in the present and future. It is also possible, however, to be too nostalgic of the past at the expense of truly experiencing the present or preparing for the future. And while it is healthy to conduct “post mortems” on things that went wrong, going over them again and again in our minds without achieving peace or closure on them can be psychologically harmful.

Likewise, while our ability to envision and plan for the future is a necessary and important for us to survive and thrive, if we spend more mental time in the future than the present, we risk losing the teachings of the past and the blessings of the present. Chronic over-achievers and Type-A personalities, people who try to “do it all,” are rewarded with spending a great deal of time planning for the future and setting goals, but this can come at a price.

Lastly, it is possible to spend too much time focused on the here and now if it leads us to fail to capture “lessons learned” from our past experiences or adequately prepare for the future. We can become like the grasshopper of The Ant and the Grasshopper fable – idly enjoying the pleasantness of the moment without preparing for the challenges the future will bring.

The vast majority of us, however, probably spend too little time truly in the current moment. When we are only half attending to what we are doing in the moment because we are busily thinking about what we will do next or what we did the day before, we are operating on autopilot – in other words, not really there. When we school ourselves to really drop in and “be here now,” our experience of life is so much more vibrant and rich. Having our minds focused on one place in time at once helps us respond to life’s moments with awareness and grace. It is also a gift we give to ourselves and the people we spend our time with to be fully present.

One valuable tool for keeping yourself in the present is to focus on your physical experience. As the saying goes, “There is no time but the present.” Our experiences of the past and future are purely mental – we aren’t literally IN the past or future like we are in the present. Taking the time throughout the day to really feel what it feels like to be in your body, in your environment, in that moment can keep us grounded and engaged. Literally stop and smell the roses on your walk from your office to your car; focus on enjoying the taste and textures of your meal instead of wolfing down your food while multi-tasking; get down on the floor with a child or pet and look in their eyes and touch their hair; mentally scan your body from top to bottom – what does it feel like to you be you right now?

Where do you tend to spend the most of your “mental time”? Why? What are the consequences? What can you personally do to achieve balance on this dimension?